The Hammerman
©Mental Dimensions Humor Ezine
by Owen "The Two of Clubs" Abbott
.:Fantasy Humor:.
01 Mar 2006

He was wrapped in a white bed sheet. A ghostly mask covered his face.

Walter entered the bank.

“OoOoOoOoOo! I am the Poltergeist! Fear me!” he yelled. “Give me all your money or I shall haunt you all forever!”

The teller stared at him blankly. He sipped his coffee, and then he asked, “Is this a joke?”

“OoOoOoO! You have incurred the poltergeist’s wrath!”

Walter grabbed the man’s coffee and spilled it on the desk.

“Hey… I was drinking that…”

Walter picked up a chair and threw it across the room, he flipped a table over, a man walked into the bank, and Walter pushed him back out.

“Why are you doing these things?” asked the teller.

“OoOoOoOoO!!!”

The situation was hopeless. There was only one thing the teller could do, he had to call the police.

He picked up his phone and began dialing, but “the poltergeist” saw him, ripped the phone from the wall, and threw it out a window.

He looked at the teller, his face inches away.

“…OoOoOoOoOoO…” he said.

The situation was truly hopeless now; the teller had no choice but to give in.

He turned around and looked at the vault. Inside was a precious ton of gold bullion...

The sound of glass shattering made him jump!

He and the poltergeist both turned around to see what happened.

On the floor there was a hammer, a man crawled inside through the smashed window.

The teller looked at the man. t wasn’t just any man. It was…

The Hammerman!

He had always seen him in commercials for Jackson Hammers, he had seen him on the covers of magazines and in newspapers, but this was the first time the teller had seen him in person!

His clothes were a dark shade of gray, he wore a shiny black helmet, kneepads, and elbow pads. He always wore a black backpack full of hammers.

He was amazing!

“You won’t be getting away this time, poltergeist!”

The poltergeist gasped, “The Hammerman! My arch nemesis! How did you know I was here? Well... No matter. This time it is YOU who will not be getting away!”

“You’re all talk, poltergeist! Let’s see what you’ve got!”

The poltergeist threw a chair at the Hammerman, it hit him squarely in the chest and he fell into the wall.

Could it be!? The Hammerman was in peril! He couldn’t get up!

The teller was compelled to help! He started moving in the direction of the collapsed Hammerman, but the Hammerman weakly looked at him and winked. Apparently he had a plan.

The poltergeist walked to the collapsed Hammerman.

“It seems you’ve grown weak, Hammerman! Now it’s time to finish you off! Any last words?”

“Yeah. One…” the Hammerman’s voice was weak. The poltergeist bent over to hear him.

“Hiyah!!!”

Something slipped from his sleeve and into his hand, a shiny new hammer! He hit the poltergeist hard on the foot with it.

“Ow! My foot! The one place where I can be weakened! My Achilles heel!… I mean Achilles foot! It’s broken! Oh what a world, what a world…”

The poltergeist fell over in pain.

The Hammerman stood up. “My work here is done!” he declared, and in an instant he was gone.

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