Fortune Cookie Will Probably Advise against Suicide
Andy Alkaline
©Mental Dimensions Humor Ezine
11/05/2005
I sometimes enjoy fine dining at Chinese buffets. I usually get the chicken. Don't ask me what kind; I usually choose whatever most resembles a Chicken McNugget. Eating at all-you-can-eat buffets is a tradition shared with my sister -- a tradition which has recently become part of our family heritage. After several of such dinners, the novelty of opening the fortune cookie, and reading the fortune has become rather boring. The last time out, I admit I was feeling rather depressed.
I have a penchant for making jokes to cope with depression. I suppose the existence of this web site proves my latter statement. I do, however, also make jokes in real life when I'm depressed. At the time of receiving our fortune cookies, I looked upon the act of opening it with disdain. I told my sister I would save it for when I have my next strong suicidal impulse. My hope is that reading the fortune at that time of despair and hopelessness will either save my life or finally destroy it. If the cookie saves my life, I can only imagine my salvation will obviously be from the fortune within, or a high from the sugar rush.
There's another reason I have for saving the fortune cookie (a reason which didn't occur to me at the time). When a friend or family member ask me how I'm doing, I can now -- without reluctance -- reply, "I still have my fortune cookie." You see, when one is fighting a constant battle with depression or dysthymia, it becomes rather difficult to accurately answer the common question, "How are you?" My reply of "Fine" is often accepted. Another acceptable response is, "Good." With relation to how I might have felt in the last week or month, those answers are accurate in the fact that, relatively speaking, I am quite honestly fine or good. Confusion only comes into play when the person I'm speaking with take fine or good to mean my depression is cured, I'm done with therapy, and there won't be any more articles on my site regarding depression or suicide.